If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
