once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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