the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
