I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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