That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
