If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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