if i can run in heels then i can drive
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
