I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
