The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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