I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Your penis caused this!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
