There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just high enough for therapy.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
