my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
