no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
