So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
