Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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