Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
