There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
