If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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