Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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