She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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