i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize