WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
