Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is Oprah even human
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize