sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
