Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
