Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
