She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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