he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm both gender and math confused
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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