i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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