I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
