Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
