Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
