So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Welp...herpes.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
