Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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