So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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