His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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