Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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