just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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