No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
