I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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