I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
