Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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