Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
