Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
either way he was missing a nipple.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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