Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
