her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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