JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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