Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
