i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just blew my weed a kiss
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
