Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
