DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
