people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
