my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
