I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize