You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
