My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
