Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
