we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
