I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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