ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
