How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
