Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
