Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
