Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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