Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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