Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
