somebody snuck up and got me drunk
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize