i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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