i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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