his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
