just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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