I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
