Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You were trust falling into bushes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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