Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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